happy mother's day!

oh, how things can change in a year!

mother's day 2009:


mother's day 2010:
and yes, this is one of the only pictures I have with my daughter on mother's day. would it be nice to have a pretty shiny picture of us all dressed up? absolutely. but this is what it means to be a mom every day -- so it's perfect!



dear hannah,

one year ago today, I took a test that would forever change my life. it confirmed what we had been suspecting for a few days -- that you were growing inside me! oh, what a mother's day that was! I was SO excited to get that news, especially on that day.

hannah, this year has been so crazy. somehow, you started off just a tiny little thing --

-- and grew and grew, and on January 20th, we got to meet you for the first time in person. and every day since then, you have taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible. it has been a crazy ride so far, baby girl, and I can't wait for tomorrow and the months and years to come!

I'm not going to lie. the first six weeks of mommyhood were not exactly a walk in the park. you were brand new in the world, so you didn't know what you wanted or needed any more than we did. we had our struggles and our hard days, and there were a lot of sleepless nights and LOUD evenings. but we had our share of happy times, too!

(although sometimes those happy times turned into scream fests)

one of my favorite parts of the past three and a half months of being your mama has been seeing you be SO loved by our church community. from the very first day you came to church with us --
-- the big kids have loved you and lined up to hold you! I swear, you are a celebrity baby the second we step foot on the church campus. but it all comes from love. and you deserve it! you are such a trooper, and you have been to more crazy places than any baby I have ever heard of.
basketball games, lacrosse games, softball games, school plays, talent shows, high school and junior high Sunday school, youth group nights at church, at home, and at the mall, and this weekend, your first church retreat.
the way our lives work, we ask a lot of you, hannahbelle, and you always exceed our expectations. you are the BEST baby, so easygoing and calm and happy. you make me smile and you are teaching me how to have joy in every moment. when you wake up in the morning, you give us the biggest, happiest smiles I have ever seen. you are just so happy to be alive, and it inspires me! I know it's probably weird to be learning life lessons from my infant daughter, but it's true. you are teaching me how to live the way that God wants me to live, and I am so grateful for that.


but, oh baby, you have your dramatic moments too. you absolutely hate being burped, and you scream bloody murder like all the food in the world has disappeared when we take your bottle away for those few minutes. you have the most dramatic fake cough, and it makes me nervous for when you hit your teenage years that you're already trying to get our attention in crazy ways! you know exactly what you want most of the time, and we had just better give it to you! fortunately, we have found the one thing that will ALWAYS calm you down, no matter what: "imma be" by the black eyed peas. it's like magic! you love standing up, and playing on your playmat, and sitting on the couch with us while we try to entertain you with crazy faces. just like your daddy, you love all sorts of screens -- computer, tv, ipod -- and you also love watching the fan.


one of my favorite things about being your mama is when we're in a big group of people who are passing you around. you usually do GREAT for quite a while -- smiling, laughing, talking, flirting with boys -- and then you hit a point when you realize you don't know anyone and you don't know where you are and you have a little meltdown. and all it takes for you to calm down is just to be in my arms. I don't do anything different than anybody else was doing -- you just know you're with me, so you calm down. oh hannah, that makes my heart so full of joy. I love knowing that you feel safe and loved with me. I love the days we get to spend together (even if about 4 o clock when dad comes home I need a little break from you!) and I love watching you experience and try new things. you are exactly what my life needed, and I didn't even know it.
hannahbelle, I promise that I will always love you and take care of you. I promise to be the kind of woman I want you to want to be -- strong, confident, loving, gentle, patient, passing on the grace that God has given me. okay, I can't really promise I will be all of those things all the time, but I will try. your smiles make every hard moment worth it. and every day I have with you is a gift. be whoever you are, baby girl. chase your dreams, pursue your passions, and know that me and your daddy and our God are right behind you, ready to encourage, support, and push you to be everything you were made for.

(even if sometimes that means making you burp when you don't want to.)
I love you more than I will ever be able to express, hannah. thank you for making me a mom!

love forever,
mama